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| 06:27pm 24/06/2007 |
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i hate peter
i hate dayrll
i hate kenny
i am so sick of everyone!
i cant take this anymore
why is this happening to me
living well is the best revenge
WELL I HOPE YOUR FUCKING LIVING WELL!
CAUSE I HATE YOU ALL! |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| secrets |
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| 11:32pm 14/06/2007 |
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shoot me
just fucking shoot me.
I am in love and i cant get out of it
i am jealous of every girl that touches him
and i am jealous of his ex girlfriend
get me out of this world
why should i care
i dont
but i secretly do :( |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| 02:36pm 01/04/2007 |
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I had the most fun with the circle yesterday
the only bad part is it has made me think a lot about my life
well anyway have you ever heard the expression knee slappin funny
well we had some ass slappin fun :)!!!!!!!
CIRCLE! |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| Somethings Missing |
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| 02:31pm 21/03/2007 |
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mood:  depressed music: hawthorne heights dead in the water
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I feel like there is something missing in my life
I mean i know exactly what it is
or more like who...
I miss this person sooo very much
and i hate that they are not in my life
i wish i knew what to do
well i sorta do kno
but i dont wanna do what i have to do
:( saddness
I wish things could just work out more simply |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| Long Time No See |
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| 11:58pm 10/02/2007 |
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~Its been a long time since i was on live journal. Nothing too much new. I just kinda wanted to rant. life sucks a lot right now. I feel like i have lost soo much in my life. Friends, love happiness. I thought that life would never be like this for me, but for some reason it has become this... No one is truthful, no one has any guts and no one knows how to just be a friend.
~If your friend had a problem with a total stranger you would help them right? How about if your friend had a problem with another one of your friends, then would you still stick up for them. Depends right? Depends how much you like friend A and friend B... People are just so backstabbing and horrible. Who knows who you can trust these days.
~Boys suck like really badly! Either they are chicken, scared, or just assholes. If a guy says they missed you while they were with their ex girlfriend, don't you think that means something. Like there is something there that you shouldn't let go of...? I fell in love again last summer and now i can get over it... Its funny how that works. Boys are just giving me hell these days. but i wouldn't wanna sound like the "victim"
~Work either gets better or worse thanks to that boy
~School is fun... I like yoga a lot!
~Valentines day is on wed. its gonna suck... I remember when we were little kids and you would make your mom buy you those cartoon valentines day cards and then give them out to the people in your class but you would make sure there was an extra heart sticker on the one card of the person that you had a crush on. Why cant things be THAT simple?
~I miss this person that use to be in my life very much. and they will never understand that. I keep saying that i miss them a lot and it just doesn't make sense to be. How do you just forget someone....?
~There is this person in my life that i love sooooo very much. They seem to never give up on me and i love them for that... No matter what i do or how many times i use their shoulder, i know they will never stop taking care of me and being there for me. Luv ya!!
~Another person in my life... Love you forever and a day....
~Just had to let them know that they mean the world to me... 2 people who i will never forget and who never let me down!!
~one day I'm gonna just call it quits.... and then all of the rest of those people in my life who don't care... don't understand, or just aren't there.... "Then they will care".
~one last note
FALL OUT BOY RULES!!!
Thanks Daryll! |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| HELP |
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| 12:42pm 26/10/2006 |
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why do i constantly hurt you... and myself
why am i always asking why?
why do i want you
why cant u just go away! |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| ASSHOLES!! |
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| 09:52pm 15/10/2006 |
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mood: indescribable music: my december
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The name i will use today will not be the name of the actual person
just for you all to kno
I FUCKING HATE BOB!! HE IS AN ASSHOLE...
WHY CANT YOU JUST TELL THE TRUTH
WHY DO YOU LIE TO EVERYONE THAT YOU COME IN CONTACT WITH
WHAT IS A LIE AND WHAT IS THE TRUTH
DO U ACTUALLY LOVE US OR ARE YOU JUST TELLING US THAT TO MAKE US HAPPY
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US
ALL WE EVER DID WAS CARE
ALL I EVER DID WAS CARE!!!!!
THE PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE PAIN FROM THE REST OF MY LIFE. YOU HAVE MADE ME CRY MORE TIMES THAN I CAN EVER REMEMBER. YOU HAVE MADE ME DEPRESSED MORE THAN ANYONE I HAVE EVER MET. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO HER... ME... US...! WE CARED ABOUT YOU. WE WERE THE ONLY ONES THERE FOR YOU. BOB YOUR A FUCKING DICK... I DONT WANT TO BE THE PERSON THAT EVER REGREST ANYTHING... BUT I REGRET THIS. I REGRET EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE TO YOU. B/C ALL YOU EVER DO IS LIE. WOULD SHE WANT THIS. WOULD SHE WANT YOU TO LIE TO THE PEOPOLE THAT YOU CLAME YOU "LOVE"! NO SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO TELL US THE TRUTH...
DID YOU LOVE HER. THE STUPID WHORE. DID YOU LOVE HER. THE STUPID BITCH. DID YOU LOVE ME. LIKE YOU SAY YOU DID... LIKE YOU SAY THAT YOU DO.
BOB...
I NEVER WISH DEATH UPON YOU... I NEVER WISH PAIN UPON YOU... ALL I HAVE EVER WISHED WAS HAPPINESS... AND I STILL DO... BUT MAYBE THAT HAPPINESS DOES NOT LIE WITHIN ME...
I dont kno what else to do or say... all i need is to vent. and that is what this is. a yelling vent. i dont think i have ever typed faster in my entire life.
i love you
and always will
but you killed me today bob...
what is wrong with me...
do i deserve this
thats it
i deserve the pain that you cause
ever ounce of it
right?
well then i wish you the most happiness in the world
im sorry for what ever i did
caiti thank you for everything
all the venting
and understanding
and the help
you have made me realize that i deserve to be happy sometimes to
and that i dont have to please everyone else first
today i am going to do something that makes me happy
for once...
"you say my words are powerful, but what is powerful if no one reads or hears them" -annoynomus
the one the only
Me |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| WHY!! |
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| 07:32am 06/10/2006 |
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mood:  amused music: none
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I DIDNT TALK TO HIM!!!
WHY DIDNT I TALK TO HIM
there is this really cute guy in my reading lab class who waited till i left the room to leave. every class he sits next to me. why didnt i talk to him. why didnt he just talk to me....?
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| Life |
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| 11:35am 05/10/2006 |
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mood: crappy music: none
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things are funny you kno...
sometimes i wish i could give everyone what they wanted.
all i want to do is make everyone happy
but im never sure if that is what im doing
one of my friends isnt here and i need him back badly
i can talk to him without the thought of OMG DRAMA!
im sure to other people things with me seem great
but right now i am such a reck!
i wanna scream and run away
but i cant b/c i dont wanna make anyone sad.
if i went away to school... the thought of not seeing anyone from here kills me but then i think if i had just gone away and gotten away from this place....
I'm suppose to go on a cruse in december
and i dont want to go
no one can handle the death of my uncle and that is why THEY decided we would go away for christmas
but what about everything i have here that can comfort me at such a crapy time...
what about my friends, my job, school
why cant i just rely on them instead of running from the problem
i dont want it to hurt anymore...
after suffolk i think i am gonna try and go away
maybe like california
idk
we will see...
till another day
oh yea and im getting a laptop that i have to share with my brother and sister
that sucks!!!!!!!!!
-me |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| THIS SUCKS |
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| 10:34am 27/09/2006 |
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mood: depressed music: tv in the background
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So life sucks
work sucks
friends suck
boys suck
and then you die....
can we get on with it now |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| Life |
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| 07:37pm 06/09/2006 |
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music: breaking Benjamin Diary of Jane
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Why does life pull you in so many directions
lately i have been having it rough
and i kno i havent said much in a while... but who know who reads this crap
thats what a diary is for ha
well anyway
i am very very confused on what i want lately
School is pretty good
a little scary
i think i am growing up too fast for my own good
i want out of this place
this town these people
i think i am going to run away
i was offered a run away opertunity...
maybe i will just have to take it
Arizona here i come...
j/k i would never leave my circle
love u guys
ha
okay done...
dont kno what else to say
-me |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| update |
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| 11:19pm 23/08/2006 |
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mood: chipper music: nothing
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well i havent updated in a while...
our computer go sooo messed up
not much to say
but im happy and in a good mood
luvs yall
haa haa -me! |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| left or right |
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| 10:03am 06/08/2006 |
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mood:  moody music: godsmack awake
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I'm not sure how i am feeling these days
i just got back yesterday from maine....
it was okay
my brother sister and i felt like we didnt do any of the things we usually do when we are there. I guess we felt like we were waiting for our cousins to get there. Kristen came up on wed. but greg only got there on thursday. we didnt do grand-daddy rock or jump off the big tower or mini golf or the arcade or the drive-in. There is so many things we didnt get to do. It was very sad b/c we did a boat memmorial for my uncle billy and we all started to cry. I also dont think my family is going to have a good next year. I feel like something bad is going to happen by the next time we go to maine. The rest of the time in maine was drama and fun filled. My brother and his girlfriend started a LOT of fights. Peter came with me. I tried to show him the things i would do up there but i was just so tired up there. I was really really sick the first like 3 days up there and then i had a really bad problem with my wisdom teeth so i didnt get to enjoy anything. I was just miserable for a few days on my vacation. Atleast i tried to show him some things. I hope he had as much fun as i did.
Well for this week i hope it turns out good. Today i plan to do lots of laundry and then go out with the circle. and then work work work.... i hate work... :( oh well...
not much else to say
but i am pretty happy considering the drama...
till next time
-me |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| No news is good news |
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| 10:37pm 17/07/2006 |
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mood: happy music: tv in the background
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On Friday i went to nicole D's sweet 16 and had a really good time
Saturday was my grad party and i had the best time in the world!
all my friends were really a lot of fun
caiti suprized me and had cassie show up
anthony gave me a skateboard that i cant wait to learn how to ride
and caiti also gave me this amazing and beautiful journal!
Peter didnt give me anything but thats okay
its cool!
now i have to go and get moving on my room
i want to redo it sooooo very much
maybe i can do it to my liking
okay night! |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| The Circle Strikes back! |
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| 12:32pm 14/07/2006 |
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mood: annoyed music: Maroon 5
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so i have been spending a lot of time with peter krispy and caiti
and i am having sooooo much fun
tomorrow is my grad party and i cant wait
caiti can go now and i am so excited!
I thought it was going to be the worst day ever
but now its going to be a blast!
all my close friends together!
i will let you kno how it goes
tonight is nicole D sweet 16 and i am excited to go
i get to dress up yayayay
okay
ttyl
bye |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| life |
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| 09:24pm 27/06/2006 |
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mood: happy music: Panic! at the disco
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well.....
who can ever kno how there life is going to turn out....?
mine, i am soo very confused
at everything
i graduated
doesnt feel any different
went to krispys last night
and i had the best time with him and anthony and BEN!
we had the best time. this morning i went to breakfast with them after i failed my road test... it was okay tho....
then anthony came here for a few and we talked about a few things
and then now i am soooo BOARD!
Tomorrow i have no idea what im going to do
and thursday i am going bowling with anthony and then back here for fun :)
he says he was writing a bunch of songs
i really kinda wanna read them
he is really good at writing.
i was writing a lot of poems for a while. but i havnt recently.
well anyway maybe tonight i will see what comes to me
cya soon
oh yea and things are good right now in MY life :) |
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(1 regular decorated emergency.) |
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| 11:02pm 22/06/2006 |
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mood: content music: Taking Back Sunday
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today was one of those days
i think i only write when it is one of those days
peter and i broke up.....
at first it was really hard
but as i see him more and more
we are just feeling like best friends
and i have aquired a lot of those for a while
i CAN tell him ANYTHING and i am so happy for that
he is my best friend and i am sooooo happy to have him
we understand eachother and we are comfortable around eachother! :)
suday is graduation
and i am kinda happy about it
happier than i have been about it in a while! :)
i actually cant wait for it
tomorrow i am going to a concert that like everyone is going to
me caiti and mal are going together
and then this kidd at work Matt is going
and someone else had it on there profile.
i am starting to really love taking back sunday
the lyrics are amazing and the music is just as good
i am gonna put lyrics in today
ones that just hit me so very much
"There's No "I" In Team"
Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
And if we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means
And I've got a twenty-dollar bill
that says you're up late night starting
fist fights versus fences in your backyard
Wearing your black eye like a badge of honor
Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me
Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable...ohoh
Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
If we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means
You never knew
well i never told you...
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
I've never done it with the style and grace you have
But I've made long term plans
based on these mistakes
Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable
Is this what you call tact?
I swear you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
so let's end this call,
and end this conversation
there's nothing worse...
(that's right he said, that's right he said it)
I swear, you have no idea
The jealousy that became me thinking
(that's right he said)
that you always had it way too easy
Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger!!!
Best friends means you get what you deserve!!!
For some reason these lyrics just hit me.
they stuck and they explain how i feel right now.....
good night for now
will talk about the concert either tomorrow or saturday |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| happy flippin fathers day |
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| 04:30pm 18/06/2006 |
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mood: sad music: stupid TV
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today is fathers day and dad is now late getting home
i was invited by peters mom! to go for dinner
but no i am sitting at home doing NOTHING
and i kno when he gets home, he is going to be tired and not want to do anything and complain and want to watch TV.....
yesterday i went to work and then to otswego with almost everyone
and then back to alex's to go in the pool...
tomorrow i get to sit around all morning and waste time till i have to go to work at like 2:30
then the rest of the week is crapy
i wanna get my grades
and i wanna graduate and get out of here
i kno there will be those people that i stay close with
but then there will be those people that i dont think i will ever see again
and i dont want that
i want to stay in touch with so many people
just those special people who mean the world and more to me
maybe things will work out
but i have a feeling they wont :( |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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| 01:03pm 14/06/2006 |
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mood: stressed music: tv in background
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so i have not writen anything in a while
for a few days i havent been feeling so great...
i think i just dont want to leave high school.
i am very scared to
scared of losing all of my friendships and things like that
caiti has this 10 people thing in her live journal
i thought it was really cool
i think i might try doing it later
i will type later
cause i wanna go and lie down :(
.......... yea |
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(regular decorated emergency.) |
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lostndconfusd88's journal